Time to lighten up. Plan your monday night to be in front of the tube. Put on your Mavs jersey , get all your friends
together, call everyone you know with a TV Diary or People Meter for TV Ratings and tell them to turn it to TNT, and
get fired up for the Rumble by the Riverwalk.
And dont forget to set your PVR to record the game as well. This way you can replay every shot. Argue every call.
Dispute every conspiracy theory.
Back to San Antonio’s Sense of Humor.. In case you missed it:
Rant on Dallas tongue-in-cheek
At least two Express-News readers were appalled with staff writer Amy Dorsett’s Page 1 story Tuesday No real
The story was a tongue-in-cheek look at the two cities, whose professional basketball teams will be locked in
mortal combat until one of them wins four games. But, as it often is with tongue-in-cheek humor, satire and puns, not
everyone gets it. It is a chance you take as a writer.
“It is really terrible to insult a beautiful city like Dallas,” said Barbara, who described herself as a person
who has lived in and loves both Dallas and San Antonio, the latter of which came out on top in Dorsett’s
“I don’t think it’s funny,” Barbara said. “I think it’s mean-spirited. Not everyone thinks that trashing another
Texas city is funny.”
Another reader said she was “appalled” by the story, but didn’t leave her name on my voice mail.
Dorsett’s response: “It was definitely tongue-in-cheek, meant to be interpreted as a look at the rivalry between
San Antonio and Dallas, and the story was so over-the-top, I would hope the vast majority of readers saw it that
Dorsett also offered one of the kudos she received from a happier reader:
“One of the most perceptive and lignt-hearted pieces of reading in a long time.
“No, a very long time.
“You don’t suppose (Express-News Editor Robert) Rivard would let you do a regular column, do you?
“Even if you promised to keep it pun-free?
“Even an occasional column?
“Anyway, thanks for brightening my day.”
Did anyone else get it or not get it?
************Take my word Bob, they didnt get it. Tongue in cheek
humor doesnt resonate in The Riverwalk City ***********. .. Did I just say something that will get me booed louder ?
Express-News Staff Writer
Sure, Dallas had a popular prime-time soap opera that left a burning question on everyone’s mind who did shoot
J.R.? and the city is home to swanky shops, restaurants and art. But chin up, San Antonio, here’s one thing Big D
has never been able to lay its well-manicured hands on:
The Larry O’Brien trophy.
You know the one, the golden ball and hoop statuette the NBA bestows on its annual champion. The one that has
found its way to San Antonio three times.
As Game 2 of the Western Conference semifinals tips off tonight at 8:30 at the AT&T Center and this series
gets even more interesting, some are pausing around the water cooler to analyze the rivalry between these two Texas
metropolises: San Antonio, which has been called Fat City because of its love for tortillas and queso, and Dallas,
which is known for silicone, skyscrapers and stylin’ hairdos.
Or is it skyscraping hairdos?
Like, whatever, Sue Ellen.
Just call it the battle of Big Bellies and Big Chests no love lost. And let the Mutual Disdain Fest proceed,
with this shot across the bow from San Antonio car magnate and former Spurs owner B.J. “Red” McCombs:
“People live in San Antonio because they want to,” said McCombs, who helped lead a group of businessmen
that brought the Dallas Chaparrals to San Antonio in 1973, thus giving the NBA the Spurs. “People live in Dallas
because they have to.”
“Ninety percent of the people in Dallas would rather live in San Antonio.”
Though McCombs didn’t elaborate on why he thinks so many Dallas residents would rather call the Alamo City home,
let us do the honors for him. Dallas might not have an NBA championship trophy, but it does have these things that
San Antonio doesn’t:
Sprawl. This is the polite word used for having more suburbs than you can fit in an area code, which translates
roughly into one blade of grass for every 100 people.
Traffic. They come up with clever names for their heart-attack inducing mix of freeways. Mixmaster, anyone?
Mark Cuban. Let’s just say it’s fitting that he owns a team named the Mavericks. But he is, um, fun to
Dallas is about wearing heels and eye shadow while gardening or watching the gardener.
Psssh. Bunch of stuffed shirts.
San Antonio? This is a casual city: Guayaberas can be found everywhere from poolside to symphony concerts.
Want iconic architecture? We have the Alamo, the Cradle of Texas Liberty.
They have an enormous glass golf ball on a stick they like to call Reunion Tower. (And let’s not forget
We have cascarones.
They have well, suffice it to say that confetti might get gummed up in all the hairspray.
Come to think of it, given all the inflated hair and busts in Dallas, some (not us, of course!) might wonder if
anything in that city is real or if it’s all just smoke and mirrored skyscrapers.
With all the differences between the two cities, there may be but one man who can unite them, who can serve as a
calming salve, a diplomat for the NBA.
You loved him when he wore the silver and black, when he helped the Spurs win their first championship. Surely,
though he serves as Dallas’ head coach, Avery Johnson won’t be shunned.
Or will he?
“Avery was a great favorite here,” Mayor Phil Hardberger said. “But he’s on the other side now, and as much as we
like him, I guess we’ll just have to beat him.”
Johnson agrees there is a very definite rivalry between Dallas and San Antonio, but he thinks it’s a good
“It’s great for Texas, it’s great for basketball, it’s great for the NBA,” he said. “Texas should be proud they
have two teams this year that won 60 games.”
Not to be picky, but for the record, Dallas won 60 regular season games; San Antonio claimed 63 in the win
Of course, most San Antonians will eagerly say their city is better than Dallas.
“There’s no comparison,” said Sylvia Castillo, a strategic planner. “Dallas is sterile, uninviting and blah.
There’s no character, no history, no soul. It’s just buildings.”
Over lunch on Monday, Darrell Hickey and Jack Smith debated the merits of their cities. Hickey, an investment
adviser, has lived in Dallas almost his entire life while his father-in-law, Smith, has lived in both, but currently
calls San Antonio home.
“I like to visit San Antonio. It’s pretty, it’s nice, but I don’t know if I’d want to live here,” Hickey said.
“Dallas has a more cosmopolitan feel.”
Smith, retired from the military and a nursing career, doesn’t agree.
“Like everybody else says, San Antonio has a million-plus people, but it has a small-town feel. Everything’s
convenient and I like the people,” he said. “I like Dallas it’s my second choice in Texas but I’ve settled here
and I love it.”
San Antonians are justly proud of the Spurs’ three championships. Johnson is proud of that, too, and said he still
has the massive championship ring that he earned after the first championship.
He keeps it stashed away in a safe, but brings it out and puts it on every now and again, and he makes no bones
that he’d love to get another one from this season.
McCombs, predictably, thinks the spoils will once again go to San Antonio.
“I love Avery Johnson. He’s a wonderful man and he’ll be one of the greatest coaches in the NBA,” he said.
“In the meantime, we’re going to kick his butt.”